The Fire Within

Today (6th October 2016) is National Poetry Day, so I hope you don’t mind if I share one of my offerings with you….

Without a picture this time… just the words to focus on…

Preamble – as an ‘Aspie’ I am terribly inclined to take a passing remark EXACTLY as it is said, letting literality overcome context, in other words the wrong way – even from my lovely wife and children, who I know would never say or do anything to hurt me. Yet, still, I sometimes latch onto a word or phrase and my mind takes it and runs with it and makes it hell inside for me and, sadly, sometimes difficult for those around me too. I sometimes have to play out my feelings on my own, before I can broach the subject…      This poem is about what it feels like, for me inside, when that happens. As with all my poems, it may have some dark bits, but it ends on a positive note, with hope.

The Fire Within
(Gaius Quinterus – April 2013)

We laugh, entangled lives drift calmly on,
Yet, one remark, and dreamy thoughts distort
A passing phrase, and open gates of doubt.
Mind’s armies spoiling for a vicious fight.
They start … the fire within.

I know that sound, as anger sparks with joy.
A hateful thought of vengeance at injustice
Spoken, your casual words betraying inner guilt?
Apologise? To me! Don’t make me laugh!
I hear … the fire within.

I know that stench, as fear constricts and binds.
I need your life, your love in all I do, but
Logic’s soulless harshness forces out the
Light. I will not budge! I’ll never give an inch!
I smell … the fire within.

I feel your pain, the sting of burning words.
Why can’t I stop? Why must I carry on
This torment for us both? Truth hurts
So I will make it hurt us both. It’s only fair!
It scars … the fire within.

‘Don’t answer back! Be quiet you stupid fool!’,
I hear my mind plead peace to counter heartless
Utterings, as guilt descends in crashing waves.
I pause, and see myself just self-destroying.
It slows … the fire within.

Stopped now. Heart’s racing beat echoes silently,
Numbed with peace, the world moves again.
At least you weren’t here, imaginings played out,
Forgotten times of love remembered once again.
It calms … the fire within.

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