The Path…


I hadn’t been around on this planet for long before I realised that life wasn’t always going to be ‘a breeze’. My first (very vivid) memories are of being 3 months old and I can still, very clearly, see the things around me – my mother’s clothes, the wall coverings in my bedroom, as well as smelling the hateful powder that it was insisted be used on me (I have always loathed the smell of Johnson’s Baby Powder ever since), and I well remember experiencing the hunger of a rapidly growing baby, as you would expect – well, I am male after all…!

Not much you can do for yourself as a baby, but the eager, fresh young mind is working and trying to figure things out – and watching the Path of Life stretching off into the distance starts to become real experience, signposted with expectations, desires and challenges. Never forget that a baby is watching, thinking and studying the world – it is taking the first steps on its own Path and needs help and encouragement at every stage. As life unfolds, and the years pile on, then other elements creep in – relationships with parents, siblings, toddler ‘friends’ etc. – the ability to go and find food for yourself from the cupboard (I bet we can all remember the excitement of sneaking in to the kitchen without being spotted and having that extra biscuit or bit of cake when we were only just old enough to be able to reach the kitchen worktops by standing on a chair?) – and then there was the horrendously difficult experience of school……

All, in all, life has its challenges at any and every age – perhaps we will discuss these more in the future – but it is the principle I want us to consider for now.

Life is a journey, an exploration of ourselves, and a challenge at many levels and in many ways. Interestingly (well, it is to me) is how one person’s challenge is sometimes of no consequence to someone else… For me it was (primarily) always my interactions with people that caused my biggest difficulties… I know now it is because of how my brain is ‘wired’ but no-one had any clue back then (1950s, 60s, etc.) so being ‘accepted’ wasn’t something that happened to me very often. Living a life of isolation (from other people’s feelings) drives you to look inside yourself for your own advice and counsel, makes you find and depend on your own innate strengths, and forces you to examine cause and effect in much more detail then people who seem to float through life as though on that first-mentioned ‘breeze’.

But, and here is the crux of what I am trying to say – and I apologise for the side-tracking by baby powder, and cake – each and every person has their OWN sets of problems to deal with – ones that are hard for THEM to handle, even if they may not seem like a problem to you, or even to anyone else you know.

Take strength from the fact that many have walked even more difficult paths, with less strength, and yet have reached their goal with courage, faith and perseverance, finding peace and hope as they enjoy the life they have been given. ~ Gaius Quinterus

The Path we travel is very much one that is ours individually, and not one belonging to someone else, but we can take great heart and comfort from the fact that it is one we can travel with shed-loads of experience handed down from others ahead of us and alongside us (if we want to learn from them), and it is a journey where we can also help others travel theirs – think of us all on a massive road together in this world – and doing what we can to keep everyone buoyed up and encouraged – sometimes we need more help than we can give out, but other times, when we have perhaps found a way over some specific obstacle, or round some particular problem, and it is then we can help a fellow traveller on their way too. Remember our discussion on Ripples, last time… it’s that sort of positive ripple effect that helps all of us travel better together, as a great group of Humanity, through this life 🙂

Peace, good health, enjoy The Path 🙂

‘Often, as we travel this path that is our life, we are shrouded in doubt, cannot see more than a short distance ahead, and have concerns about where we are heading. Things can seem dark and suffocating, as the smoke of a personal conflict, problem or sadness stings our eyes. There are always trip hazards, ready to cause us to stumble and doubt ourselves. We might sometimes lose all sense of direction completely, and have to stop for a while, to gather our strength, worrying that we do not have the ability to continue.
But consider the traveller on their chosen road (just like any of us) – there are times when mist surrounds them, perhaps a rough surface slows their progress, they may be thirsty, hungry, too hot or too cold, or a throng of other people makes quiet travel impossible for a time. In all things the traveller must have faith in the road continuing to its destination as it should, even when they cannot see it clearly, or it is hard to endure. So too, with our lives. Our path in life may have periods of being uneven, or its direction unclear, but it is still there, still waiting for us, and it is ours personally to travel and experience, no-one else’s. Take strength from the fact that many have walked even more difficult paths, with less strength, and yet have reached their goal with courage, faith and perseverance, finding peace and hope as they enjoy the life they have been given.’

~ Gaius Quinterus

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The Ripple Creators


In my last blog post (‘Everything … is for a purpose.’) I used the analogy of a river as being a way to think of how our lives progress from start to finish, and I would quite like to stay with the notion of water this time, too.

One thing that has been crystallised for me, through my observations of people, is that although everyone is uniquely and wonderfully different, there are certain categories that can often (surprisingly often in fact) be loosely applied across the majority of the population with regard to their influence on others for the greater good. People can often move in and out from one category to another, dependent on life’s circumstances, but I have found the following general categories can be very helpful when trying to determine my own state of mind, or when trying to evaluate my personal progress or situation. Applied to others the categories can be useful to know who is best to approach for guidance or support, or who in fact is in most need of support and understanding from me.

‘Like ripples in a pond, your life affects those around you’.The three simple categories are:
1. Ripple Creators
2. Ripple Reflectors
3. Ripple Users

So, what you may well ask, are ‘ripples’? Well, they are the positive things we do, say and engage in to help others – the things that can make other people’s lives better in some way, help with how they feel about themselves and their circumstances, and give them a boost or ‘lift’ spiritually, emotionally, socially and personally as they go about coping with whatever they are living through.

We hear the expression ‘making waves’ but waves are a bit frantic for my liking – they are altogether too adrenaline-filled, muscle-bound and violent at times – generically destructive and over powering to cope with when they start slamming into things. Ripples are different – they are gentler, more finely tuned to the circumstances, and don’t seek to smash anything (or anyone) to bits – just gently nudge things along. Think of waves-v-ripples in this way – you carefully make a small paper boat and set it floating on a pond – you want to encourage it to go in a certain direction, so you toss in the small pebble or stone alongside it, or behind it, to create a few ripples to help it bob along in your desired direction – but a big stone that creates waves will just sink the flimsy vessel, which is not what you want at all…

So, you get the drift – ripples are helpful, useful, generally easy to create and can guide, nudge and encourage when applied with skill and  care and to the right extent.

Ripple Creators are good at starting ripples – they often have an instinctive ‘nose’ for when a ripple is needed, and have a knack of how to create it, as well as when and where. The creation process can take years of practice of course, and may not always come naturally when you feel under-the-weather yourself, but creating ripples is fun and a very positive thing to do – as well as helping move things/people/situations in the right direction the ripples make you (the Ripple Creator) feel good too 🙂 It’s called a big ‘Win-Win’ situation. Ripple Creators are essential people to have around – they are the ever-focussed eye of awareness and action, never stinting to help others around them – even ones they don’t know personally. But, no-one can be expected to always be giving without a little rest sometimes themselves – so now we come to the second category, where you will oftentimes find Ripple Creators while they recharge their ‘batteries’ …

Ripple Reflectors are often the largest group in the population – in the dream-world of cyber-space they can be thought of as people on Facebook who ‘Share’ a funny story, or ReTweet a helpful word or two from someone else. However, in the real 3D world where it truly matters most, they may just be someone who is ‘paying forwards’ having been given a help-up themselves in life – so they are reflecting and bouncing back the ripples so the ripples can go on and help someone else. For instance, imagine you are in a shop, trying to struggle out the door when someone reaches out and holds the door open for you – they are being a Ripple Creator. So, the next chance you get to return the favour to someone else you are being a Ripple Reflector, effectively becoming a type of Ripple Creator too, simply grown from when something nice was done for you – and so it goes on – the ripple never dies and instead keeps bouncing around and often even growing! Being a Ripple Reflector is fun too – not as much fun as creating ripples, but it is still great to see how we can move things on in life, in a positive way wherever we have something positive happen to, or for, us first.

Ripple Users are our third, and in some ways most important, category. They are where the ripples stop – the shallow, or maybe weed-filled, shorelines of existence which absorb the ripples. Nothing bounces back – no further movement happens, but that is because the ripples have reached someone who really needs them – someone who is unable to generate any ripples themselves, can’t even reflect anything because they are struggling so much, and these are the people the Ripple Creators were always hoping to help, sometime, somewhere, when they first created the tiny movements on the waters of life. We have all been Ripple Users at times – periods in our lives where we suck in more energy than we can give out – where we need more help given to us than we can ever see ourselves being able to repay – but that is OK, it is normal, it happens, and it is LIFE! It’s one of the very greatest joys to see Ripple Users so often get back on their feet and be able to become at least Ripple Reflectors and sometimes they even become inspired Ripple Creators themselves, directly drawing on their own experiences to motivate and encourage others.

Thus the cycle continues, the ripples keep going round and round and round, and everyone gets a bit of the Win-Win situation too after a while 🙂

So, what’s the affirmation, I hear you ask? Well, here it is, and I hope it can help inspire you, as so many have created ripples that have helped me, I will also try to be ‘out there’ creating ripples too, whenever I can.

Peace and love to you all 🙂

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‘Like ripples in a pond, your life affects those around you, which will affect those around them, and so on… Make sure you only create good ripples that encourage people to create even more good ripples themselves. Who knows how many hundreds, or even thousands, of people could be positively affected by one act of kindness?’

~ Gaius Quinterus

‘… struggling with the burdens of your existence.’


 One of the great ‘joys’ (by which I mean it is sometimes a great curse too) of being an Aspie is that everything tends to get over-analysed – I am not just talking about reading a few articles, or browsing online for an hour or two…. no, no….. I am talking about complete absorption in the subject(s) for days/weeks/months on end until a very good working knowledge is gained (where giving a one hour lecture on the subject would be no hardship at all) – at the expense of almost any other social interaction if the task/problem demands it! The cause and effect of situations gets torn down to the nth-degree and a microscopic inspection of all possibilities is undertaken to try and discern the ‘whys and wherefores’ of life on general, but the incident specifically under scrutiny is given prime focus at all times. The reasoning behind this one-track approach to analysing a situation is because Aspies (well, certainly me, for sure) often struggle to ‘see’ the underlying social reasoning, the emotionally driven nature and the intuitive reactions of how people behave towards each other. Facts, cause, effect, structure and worth all need to be very carefully looked at, catalogued and ready for bringing out again in the future when a slightly different situation happens – to see if past experience can shed light on the latest one.

This is often truly wearing emotionally, timewise and physically as well as being a considerable burden on those folk around us who can witness our inner struggle and determination to ‘find out’ all the details for ourselves, no matter the cost… If I am not careful, and I know other Aspies have been through this too, the whole process can take a very negative toll on my wellbeing and it is for this reason that I came up with the following affirmation – one that I have to keep reminding myself about, still!

On the positive side, and there is always a positive side, the analytical nature of my brain, and the focussed attention to detail meant that I very naturally slotted into an IT career in the early 1980s with computers always close at hand ever since, and being a IT trouble-shooter for many customers, over very many years, has been second-nature to me. Dedication to the minutest details is crucial when dealing with computers, and has meant my skills have been the means of a very worthwhile income, without requiring much person-to-person contact at all. I work surrounded by my computers now, by myself, and happily engaged in work for long-term customers with whom I have developed an excellent professional relationship. So, every cloud has a silver lining, and some clouds even pay the bills! 🙂

Another small insight into the Aspie way of life – enjoy, and peace to you all 🙂

yourself1(Macro photography (stamen is only 2mm across), and taken by me)

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‘Be kind to yourself when the world is causing you pain, and take care of your body’s needs when you are struggling with the burdens of your existence. Your life is a beautiful thing and, like a tender plant or a large tree, needs shelter, nourishment, light and space to grow and be useful.’

~ Gaius Quinterus

‘…no need to fear the storms of life …’


Busy with work just now, so this is a short blog entry, but I felt I could perhaps share with you an affirmation that presented itself to me in early 2013, when I happened to be going through a particularly difficult time in my life – a new (potentially very positive) venture being started by me was being knocked back by outside circumstances – I was trying to find a positive in all that was going on.

It happened about then that an unexpectedly bad storm was sweeping across where I live, and everything was getting battered by the windy, wet, weather – new, fresh leaves and plants were getting hammered to the ground just as they were starting to really show their potential. It made me think about my life and problems too, and my mind was drawn to set down these words. Enjoy!

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‘There is no need to fear the storms of life that sometimes attack our soul and threaten to break our spirit. It is merely part of the change we must go through to become more beautiful and more useful people. Take heart that even the mightiest mountain cannot withstand the rain and wind, the burning heat and bitter cold, for ever. Over time it is utterly shattered, cast down, and ground into smaller and smaller pieces until it emerges as the gentle sand of a beach, reflecting heat and light, and a joy for all who see it and warm their feet on its softness.’

            ~ Gaius Quinterus

To accomplish ‘extraordinary’ things……..


People – well, those who have known who the real Gaius is – have sometimes asked me where I get the inspiration from to crystalise my thoughts and put them down in writing. The answer is not a simple one, and I don’t fully understand how it happens myself but, in the interests of others perhaps being able to identify with what I say and maybe start to share their insights and thoughts too, here we go!

I find the sayings/quotes/affirmations just ‘come’ to me, at the oddest times – like a voice in my head…. come to think of it, maybe I really am cracking up! Specifically, I may have been toying with a particular thought I want to convey (some sort of experience or feeling I want to share), and then into my mind pops something completely different entirely, ready made and 90% finished as I think it…. bizarre…

I actually look on such ‘interventions’ as simply being receptive to the ‘collective consciousness’ (for want of a better phrase), and the simple fact that I am prepared to be open to the collective need of the moment. I firmly believe that we are all part of an integrated human consciousness, but the vast majority of people aren’t (seemingly, and sadly) even aware it exists, and certainly aren’t receptive enough to hear anything that it is trying to convey to them personally. I consider myself as someone who is being asked to listen and then pass on what I hear – I must sound nuts, but that is what it really feels like…

However, at a very profound level, I find it very comforting, mentally and emotionally, to feel I am part of a greater whole – part of something much, much, bigger than any of us can imagine, but yet an active/re-active part of it all the same. I don’t want to apply labels like God, Universe, Astral Plain, etc. – that would seem to restrict and constrain the flow, so, in my mind, I think of it as a vast surrounding, deep, invisible, ‘sea’ of knowledge, emotion, love, goodness, compassion, hope and wellbeing.

As for little old me, I am privileged to feel the words I write are like an occassional small splash at the edge of that sea’s vast expanse – a few drops of water that may impact on a bit of dry land and perhaps bring hope of new life and opportunity to one or two receptive folk.

Here is one such affirmation (from early 2012 actually) that may inspire you along your own Life’s Journey. I certainly hope you can continue with me on mine 🙂

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“To accomplish ‘extraordinary’ things, people need to stop being ‘ordinary’.

The desire to be ‘normal’ and the innate need, felt by so many, to conform to peer, media and social pressures, turns the majority of people away from their true potential and makes them ‘ordinary’ themselves – dragging many of them into drudgery, disappointment, sadness, despair, and dependence on living their lives through watching others live artificial ones. 

‘Ordinary’ people can never break free from the mundane, the acquiescent, the servile. It takes ‘extraordinary’ people to change the world and make exciting things happen, new, special, and innovative things.

To truly find your place in life, develop your mind, listen to your heart, act with kindness and care to those around you, and be the different person you were always meant to be.
Be ‘extraordinary’, and be all the happier for it!”

~ Gaius Quinterus

Loving all creation, including yourself!


This blog entry may seem to start off in a dark place, which it sort of does, actually, but I promise you there is light at the end!

As an Aspie, being bullied and picked on, year after year, for being ‘different’, I can tell you that one of the great problems of having too much time living in your own little world, along with an active (but seriously confused) mind, is that you tend to overthink things to the point of desperation at ever getting to grips with what people mean, what their real motives are, what they are trying to accomplish, how it impacts on you, why they are being so ‘horrible’, what do they hope to gain by being bullies?…. why?…. what for?….. how?…. etc., etc… ??

Until I discovered my true nature, I often felt defeated by people, angry and isolated, demeaned and belittled, and yet could find no way to reconcile these negative feelings with trying to be positive in my daily life and running my business, going to the shops, organising simple things…. and so on… I would find myself becoming judgemental about people very quickly – not those closest to me (I could normally understand their motives better), but people with whom I only had fleeting contact – the shop attendant who seemed brusque and rude to me, a person on the phone who didn’t seem to be listening to what I was saying, someone who had been arrogant or patronising in a comment on Facebook – things that I just couldn’t let go of in my mind – things that rankled with me, made me petulant and irritated, and therefore even less able to cope with the next apparent attack on me personally. This negativity was leading me, more and more, to become dissatisfied with myself, with who I was inside – the inner person with whom I was not having a  functioning discourse because I didn’t understand what was going on in my brain…

I knew I wasn’t ‘getting anywhere’ as a person, just bumbling along with negativity becoming the norm for me, far too often. Yes, my health was poor, and yes I had some obvious social difficulties, but I always felt I should be able to rise above these things, at least to some degree, and find a positive way to live and get to know myself as a friend, not as a problem which was living inside my own body!

So when I realised, at 50 years old, that my own brain was wired in a way that was actually causing me my own misery, I started to consider how, in fact, I was responsible for how I felt about people, just as much as they were responsible for their own actions which were causing me a problem (sometimes only a perceived problem, but real enough to me at the time). I have written down some of my thoughts on the matter, just after the picture, but the picture encapsulates the essence of the message.

peace1

(Picture is Loch Assynt, North West Scottish Highlands, and was taken by me)

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‘What other people say or do is very much their responsibility, but the way in which we react to the behaviour of others is entirely our responsibility. How we judge the actions of others has a direct effect on us as individuals, if we let it. So, while we have no control over other people, we do have control over ourselves and how we let our judgement of other people’s behaviour influence our thinking, emotions, actions and reactions. Be careful to establish your own solid principles and practices in life, and shape your mind with peace, positivity, kindness, compassion and understanding, so that when confronted with the actions of others you may deal with them sensitively, caringly and kindly. Be careful to not let yourself be angered, hurt, confused or diverted from the path of loving all of creation, including yourself. It is not helpful to be consumed with hate, anger, envy, despair, hurt, jealousy or any other negative emotion, because these things will only harm you.’
~ Gaius Quinterus

This is a subject we will come back to again – have no doubt about it, my friends!

PS: In my very first blog post (The ‘Awakening’) I give a bit of background about myself – partly setting the scene for the blog’s existence – you may find it interesting if you would like to know more HERE 

The ‘Awakening’


It seems only fair to you, the unsuspecting reader, that in this very first post I should try to explain why I am writing this blog. I will try to be brief, but I make no promises!

The story starts a few years ago now – not that many, but a few.

It is often felt that significant birthdays (20, 30, 40, etc.) are times at which our lives change – and for me being 50 years old was just such a moment. Not the actual birthday itself you understand (although I did have a very nice one), but during the months that followed I had a truly deep, meaningful and eye-opening ‘awakening’ – one that has had a profound effect on my life ever since.

Not a spiritual ‘awakening’ and maybe it is something that many would find a strange thing to celebrate, but when I was 50 (plus a few months), after struggling for much of my life with so many apparently ‘ordinary’ situations, I discovered I was deeply, very much, no mistaking it, an ‘Aspie’, by having what is pretentiously called ‘Asperger’s Syndrome’ – sounds awful – but it isn’t really.

Realising, without a shadow of a doubt, that I had Asperger’s was not actually a shock in itself, and neither was it anything that made me sad in any way – it was, and still is, a point of great satisfactory revelation – a true ‘awakening’ of self-realisation which has led to me to completely re-examine, overhaul, redirect and recalibrate my life from the ground up, since that day.

To set the scene, we need to go back to the mid 1950s…. Please bear with me – I promise the history lesson will be short…
All my life – even as a toddler, I ‘knew’ inside myself that I was ‘different’ – certainly my parents thought I was more than a bit ‘odd’ and, although I was academically bright, I struggled terribly with social events and any sort of peer interaction…

As a kid, and actually more so as a teenager and as an adult, it is difficult enough to know you are ‘different’ to your peers but for me it proved to be a very isolating and lonely experience, because I didn’t know why I was ‘different’, or in what way I could help myself not be ‘different’…
With the perfect placement that only the Universe seems to manage at times, I fortunately had a grandfather and a great-aunt who were truly wonderful and stood out head and shoulders above everyone else in my circle of friends/family by accepting me as I was, warts and all, and I forever owe them a huge debt of love and gratitude for helping keep me trusting in the innate decency of some people, while around me life was not a happy place at all in most ways. Dreadfully bullied at school, manipulated and bullied at home, and struggling with almost constant ill-health meant I had to retreat into myself, mentally and emotionally, to simply get through from one day to the next.

For me a true light came into my life when I was 20 – I met the woman to whom I have now been married for over 40 years – another of the very few people who has always accepted me as I am – and, thankfully, still does!

So, I made it to 50, and my ‘awakening’ was when I found out why I had been struggling for so long, in so many ways. Suddenly a great deal made sense, and immediately I knew I had to take stock and consider how best to proceed, building on what I had discovered and how my 50 years had been shaped up to that point.

And here I am – a lifetime of trying to figure out my existence, how others interact with each other, often studying the world from a third-party perspective and, for the last few years, jotting down thoughts, inner discussions and rules-of-thumb to help myself best deal with life from here on in – when suddenly other people wanted me to share these ideas, affirmations and analogies.

Given the nature of my past, I started using the name Gaius to distribute my writings – very gradually at first, but slightly more expansively as time has gone on. Having also been a photographer for part of my working life I often incorporate some of my images with the words at times.

I hope you will want to take this blogging journey with me, and I will start the process with the first step – one of Gaius’ writings from a few years ago that came to me as I was thinking of how my own life in the past could help me find direction for the future.

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‘By knowing, accepting and dealing with your weaknesses you will gain strength.
By knowing, accepting and dealing with your fears you will gain courage.
By knowing, accepting and dealing with your anxieties you will gain confidence.
By knowing, accepting and dealing with your failures you will find success.
Embrace life’s difficulties, because the sooner you do, the sooner you will reap life’s rewards.’
~ Gaius Quinterus